The Pages of a Child's Grief

When a loved one passes, the responsibilities, arrangements and details can weigh heavily on family members. There is a sense of urgency to make decisions in a timely fashion, but also carry out the wishes of the deceased. The entire process can be taxing and for adults they can become so consumed with preparations that they lose sight of someone who may go unnoticed.

Just like adults, when a loved one dies, the impact it has on a child can be extremely strenuous; but typically in a different way. While adults are setting up arrangements, many children are left waiting--either at home, in the corner of the funeral home or beside a parent without any real explanation of what is going on. It is to no one’s fault that parents and other family members want to protect young ones, but don’t be fooled by their age--a child sees, hears and witnesses the pain and hurt. Therefore, it is imperative that their feelings are not ignored or pushed to the side just because you may not think “they understand.”

Children may not understand the process of death. They may not comprehend the level of detail it takes to plan a visitation and funeral, but they do know there is pain. They can see it. They can feel it. They are silent, witnesses. And most of all, they too could be feeling the pain, heartache and confusion; but they don’t know how to express it. Therefore, instead of asking if “they are okay”, parents and loved ones can take it a step further.

What provided you comfort before going to sleep at night?

What could provide you a laugh or a smile?

What could challenge your imagination?

A book.

A simple piece of literature can do wonders for children. And during times that are particularly scary, unsettling or painful--like a death, what better way to embrace a child and his/her feelings than with a story?

We’ve done some research and thought we’d share some books that may help your little ones cope and understand death and loss. While there are hundreds to choose from, we thought a few suggestions could help you and your family take note that everyone--no matter their age--is greatly impacted by the loss of a loved one.

The Goodbye Book by Todd Parr

Todd Parr does a remarkable job with all of his books. However, in The Goodbye Book, he tells a story of a fish who loses his companion. The book reminds readers that it is okay to not know all the answers, yet to remember that someone will always be there to support them. This book discusses and helps children understand it is okay to have myriad of emotions through the grieving process.

The Invisible String by Patrice Karst

The importance of not seeing something, but always knowing it is there is the crux of The Invisible String. Does everybody have an invisible string? How do you know it is there? This book tells children that we are all connected with an invisible string that represents love. "People who love each other are always connected by a very special String, made of love. Even though you can't see it with your eyes, you can feel it deep in your heart, and know that you are always connected to the ones you love." This book will help children cope with loneliness, distance and separation anxiety--feelings that are natural when losing someone close to you.

I Miss You by Pat Thomas

Written by psychotherapist and counselor Pat Thomas, the book helps boys and girls understand that death is a natural process of life. It touches on “normal feelings” like loss, abandonment and grief--topics that should be discussed with children as they cope. Younger children will also enjoy full-color illustrations on every page.

Someone I Love Died by Christine Harder Tangvald

Healing words of comfort, beautiful illustrations and techniques for parents/guardians to use will help children (ages 4-8) better understand death. Tangvald not only uses stages of grief, but also biblical references to help both child and parent work through the process of grief. This classic is a must read for anyone who wants to read, discuss and grow closer with their child during the healing process.

Children are resilient. They can be, at times, the brave ones, the strong ones and the shoulder we all need to find comfort. But they too need the support and clarity of understanding grief when they lose a loved one. Our hope is the pages of these books (or alike) will help your young one find peace in his/her grief, but also know someone is always there to sit, listen and talk about one of life’s hardest circumstance.

Article Submitted by:

Tim and Alison Dinan, Owners

Cook Family Funeral Home, Cremation Service, and Hillcrest Cemetery

206-842-2642

https://www.cookfamilyfuneralhome.com/